disregard... just a random rant

ok.... be ready for a really long rant. This is not actually intended for humans to read, unless of course you are like reallllllly bored or interested or whateva... ok

Today kinda pretty much sucked.
Michelle went home.
Matt didn't come to church.
Little things reminded me that we weren't together anymore and probably never would be... again. It was sad. I wanted to disappear and die.
I hate sitting by myself at church. I hate people wondering, staring, feeling sorry for me.
Probably one of the coolest things about going out with Matt was his family. I felt like I was a part of a family. I wasn't intruding or a burden. We all just hung out. I loved being with your family so much Matt, you have no idea. It's not fair that I can't have that anymore. I know that I'm being selfish but you have to understand just how much they meant to me.
I miss the Terrell family.
I miss having someone to sit with and church and feeling like I actually belong there.
I miss you calling me.
I miss being able to get through work knowing that I was going to get to see you when I got off.
I miss believing that maybe God really did have someone really special for me.
I miss .... everything about US.
I still tell everyone that I have a boyfriend. Mrs. Colby asked me today how my boyfriend was doing. I thought that she was talking about Matt but then I remembered going over to her house with Shane a long time ago so I asked her, "which one?" She kinda laughed. But she WAS talking about Shane and I almost cried because I didn't have the heart to tell her yeah.... we broke up, and I was going out with Matt.... and we just broke up too. Seriously, WHAT IS MY PROBLEM?

I'm sick.
It sucks.

Please pray for my grandpa. He is dying... It's hard. Really. So please pray.

I am reprioritizing and reorganizing my life.

God (church and service)
school
work
sports-working out
friends

Therefore, I need to come up with a new schedule.
Working on that........
*side note to self - I also need to set up my budget* HA.

I really want to get a new job. I am going to talk to my manager tomorrow about my hours. I am really interested in doing babysitting/child care/maybe interning at a kindergarten school or something? I dunno.... we'll see. Keep your eyes open for me.

In good news...... I'm SOOOO glad that Michelle came to see me. I got to hang out with Owen and Michelle all weekend, have breakfast with "my bros", hang out with my family, go to church and youth group, and get a new computer :) I guess that life isn't quite SO bad afterall. :)

JESUS... I LOVE YOU