sleep is overrated

I do love it though. But only in the morning when I don't want to wake up. At night, I hate going to sleep. Too much good stuff to do ;-) So what that I'm getting up in 4 1/2 hours. bleh

It has been a kinda crazy past few days.

On Sunday I kinda had an emotional break down. Church was hard... life was sucking... so I took off and went to Enchanted Rock and just talked to God. I felt like if I could just get high up on the mountain I would be a little bit closer to God and a lot farther away from a bunch of bull shit. And it worked :). I sat up on the rock for hours and prayed and wrote in my journal and then I got to just sit and watch the sunset, taking in the amazement that is God. It was awesome. :D

I'm so tired of bull shit though. All week long, no matter how hard school is or how much work sucks, it's all ok because I look forward to going to church sooo much. I love it. I've pretty much accepted that I'll never really fit in there but just BEING AROUND Christian people, I don't know. It's kinda cool. And then again, the loneliest feeling in the world is being at church... and being alone. Like you are around the people that are supposed to care the MOST and no one really gives a crap who you are and whether or not you are there. I'm not talking about everybody but I'm talking about a vast majority. I thought that the church was supposed to be this great body of Christ... I don't know... probably what is hard is that everyone is there with their family. And then I am there by myself, an intruder. Why is it that so many Christians judge and can never forgive and then those friends whose lives are screwed up are the ones that will always be there for you to love you, give you a second chance, and would do anything for you? I really don't get it. Hillside... you are my family. Y'all all HAVE your families. but you ARE my family. I don't think y'all will ever actually understand how much I love you guys... How much a simple "hi" might mean... I don't want pity. I hate it. I don't want you to be nice because you feel obligated to as a good Christian. I just want to meet some people that genuinely care about something other than their own ass. I know a couple of you guys... and y'all are the most amazing people in the world. Abby and Jenn you keep me believing.

.......hey buddy...... i thought we were gonna be friends. You broke my heart. And now you're crushing it into the ground... I really don't understand... please don't cut me off....... anywayz

Tonight I went with Abby, Jenn, and Christine to get coffee and then we drove down stone oak parkway blaring music with the windows down. It was fun :).