MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!!

and so THIS is Christmas?

it's looking forward to being one of the weirdest Christmases of my life. But then again, this has probably been the weirdest, craziest, hardest, most awesome YEAR of my life. I have about a week off of work and I'm loving it, wrapping Christmas presents, and trying to get into the Christmas spirit.

On Sunday morning I got up early and went to church, stopping off at the coffee shop on the way there. ...OH MY GOD... i think that I almost had a heart attack because I saw someone that I wasn't expecting to see. That night after church and a youth party I went driving... FAST... and for a long time. As I drove, I poured my heart out to God like I have never done before and I sobbed as many painful tears ran down my face. I asked Him for just one more chance - 1 more chance at life, 1 more chance at love. I drove to a little place I call the lake and I sat on the hood of my car and I cried tears that I had been holding back for way too long.

Yesterday was work and hanging out with Julie at the coffee shop and then going to movies, IHOP, and Walmart. It was seriously like going back in time, totally awesome. Girl, I miss you like crazy when you're at school. You're one of the best friends in the world. :)

Today, other than being threatened with a restraining order for buying my brothers Christmas presents, I really don't know WHAT I'm doing, haha. It'll be an adventure................

Shane

Baby, I miss you so much. I wish that I could go back to being in your arms just one more time. I would give anything for...

Midnight walks to the lake.
Hanging out at the coffee shop with you.
Playing mancala.
Watching movies.
Talking about God.
Chilling with you friends.
Going out to eat.
Being random with Michelle and Julie.
Walmart runs.
Staying up LATE.
Riding on your bike.
You making fun of me for getting lost.
Tubing down the guadalupe.
Falling asleep next to you.
Looking into your eyes.
Loving your smile.
Being in each other's arms.
Your kiss.
Telling you how much I love you.

I Love You Michelle

I wish every day that I could go back to...
Long walks down Evans Road.
Watching movies in the apartment.
Going shopping together.
You getting mad at me for being so stupid.
Hanging out with the guys.
Midnight swims and Walmart runs.
Going to HEB dressed like dorks just to get a reaction.
Coming to see you at work.
Riding around in your car.
Just hanging out together.
Talking to Sparky.
Stealing all of each others clothes.
Doing laundry.
Living in "my closet".
Looking forward to you getting home from work every day.
The apartment.
Your amazing spaghetti.
Our weird versions of food and meals and all the random stuff we had in our fridge.
Hanging out with our brothers, all 5 of us together.
Fighting over the bathroom.
Laughing at you and your crazy bubble baths.
You telling me to shut up, that my singing is killing you.
Being driven CRAZY by Josh Groban and what's her face, lol.
You hating it when I played Fall Out Boy and 99.5.
Staying up late.

I wish that I had spent more time with you when I had the chance. I wish that I wouldn't have stayed out so many nights and made you worry about me. I wish that I had let you know every single day just how much I loved you.

I miss you so, so much Michelle.
I would do anything to go back.
I love you.

DALLAS

Yesterday I drove up to Dallas through the FREEZING weather. I loved the feeling of just me and my car flying down the open highway, stereo blaring and singing at the top of my lungs. haha. it's amazing. And then there was this one dude in a Mazda G-somethin... yeah, we weren't exactly racing but we weren't exactly not racing either. That went on for forever. haha, so much fun.

Then I got into Waxahachie where Michelle lives with my grandparents and it was SNOWING. like omg. So after getting lost a million times on an emergency Walmart run I finally made it to the ranch. I'm so proud of my car =) =) =). Baby, I'll never doubt you again. ;-) haha... but I really didn't know if we would make it or not.

So yeah... today me and Michelle are hitting up the W-town. I think we're gonna go see Casino Royale and then eat some crazy good food.

laterz homies

thank you

...yeah, I know that Thanksgiving was on Thursday but this week has been SOOOO crazy I haven't been able to sit down and write my Thanksgiving post. So here it is...

Dear God,
Thank you ...
...for my salvation. You took the most unworthy of sinners, washed me, and held me.
...for Your unfailing love.
...that You never leave me, even though I give you a LOT of good reasons to.
...for Your Word.
...for my mom and dad, that even though we may give up, you will never give up on people.
...for Michelle, my big sister and best friend. Thank you that even though we experienced a lot of hard times that you allowed us to grow close and really get to know each other.
...for my brothers. They are all unique and they all have their problems but through them you have shown me things about myself and brought me great joy. Knowing that my brothers look up to me challenges me to be a much better person.
...for my sister Kira and that I have been able to spend time with her over the last few days.
...for 2 amazing church families that love me and have taken me in as a daughter and sister.
...for the Nelson family. Words cannot express how much gratitude I feel toward them. They love me and care for me as a daughter and sister. They see me for who I can be and challenge me to follow after You.
...for Bobby, my new big brother, and everyone at AMA. The karate school has given me a new life unlike anything else. I can go there and forget about everything else and just work my heart out.
...for allowing me to lose everything that was important to me so that I would realize that what I had was nothing and You are my everything.
...for giving me a million second chances.
...for my job and my car. =)
...for the amazing future and the perfect plan that You have for me.

You are Everything That I Don't Deserve

God has given me the most amazing family in the entire world. Thank you guys for taking me in as your daughter and sister. You didn't have to, and most people wouldn't have, but you did. Thank you for sharing your lives with me. It is truly a blessing and a privilege. Thank you for always loving me, even when I seriously screw up. Thank you for being there when I fall and for helping me back up. Thank you for showing me God in such a new and real way. Thank you for giving so much of yourselves when I had nothing to give back and never expecting anything in return. Thank you for seeing me for who I could be, not who I was, and encouraging me to strive to be that person. Thank you for believing in me even when I did not believe in myself. Thank you for always encouraging me to draw close to God. Thank you for being there. Thank you for being the Nelson family. I pray that God blesses you with His riches blessings, like you have blessed me. I love you guys.