it was a different world

...two weeks ago.
And now, my life has changed. So much that I don't really know where to start. Everything is different: my job, my school, my future, the people in my life I care about... The past two weeks have been amazing, fun, exciting, challenging, stressful, exhausting. I'm worn out and I pray that God would refresh me.

Things are...completely over with my latest boyfriend. I made a lot of mistakes for which I am eternally sorry. I wish that we could still be friends but I guess that's in God's hands. God always knows best and soemtimes He does things that we don't understand so I'm just trusting Him.

2 weeks ago today I got to spend time with someone I hadn't realy spent time with since August. Someone that I pray for and think about everyday and hope that maybe someday... God would bless me with a miracle. Sweetie, I never stopped loving you. No matter what, you'll always be a very special part of my life. I pray that God blesses you in everything you do and that He always draw you closer to Himself. I pray that He would protect you as you protect our nation. Do your duty, kick ass, and come home safe. You're in all of our prayers.

I made the long struggled with decision to return to the United States Air Force Academy on June 27, 2007. I realized that that is who I am. I can't try to be someone else and even if maybe life was "funner" if I didn't go back I know that I would regret it everyday. It's going to be a difficult challenge but I know that God will pull me through it.

I got to hang out with Michelle a LOT when she came down for Easter break. Sis, I love you SO SO much. I really do. Like you'll never even know. Michelle went with me down to Corpus Christi where I took care of a bunch of stuff that had been hanging over me. I'm FREEEEE now and let me tell you it feels SO good. :)

I was hired on Friday to work at River Crossing Golf Club as a waitress. :) Dude, I'm really excited. I did training yesterday morning on the beverage cart. That job is going to be completely kick ass. So this means that I will no longer be an HEB slave. I've been there for over 6 months (and yes i DID just get a raise) but I just really couldn't stand the work there anymore. I still have to work there this week but after that I am totally a River Crossing girl. I'm excited!

And other than all that, I've been staying up until ungodly hours of the night studying and working on papers. Which is what I'm fixing to start doing right now... only a few more weeks of school... hopefully I can make it. I have a BIG test in history tomorrow (which will decide whether or not I stay in or have to drop the class - PRAY FOR ME!!!!!) and a major term paper due on Thursday. So I am off to study. :)

what i do at 3am

So yeah, it's almost 3. And I am just now printing up a Psychology summary paper that I did on marijuana and the brain. The paper sucks but at least I got it done. I am usually not so mediocre toward my school work but I guess that's what never getting sleep and working on freaking Psychology at 3am does to you. I probably would have done a better job on my marijuana paper if I was high. jk jk.


In other news...


Shane's been home... and I have had so much fun hanging out with him. I don't want him to leave but I'm so proud of what he's doing... ♥ I love army boys ♥

sooo.

I sent in all of my paperwork.

Which means I am waiting for a couple of different clearance letters but unless there are some unforeseen glitches then I will once again became Basic Cadet Martinez as of June 28. 2007. I'm getting excited....... and I'm getting prepared this time, like hardcore. I even have a personal trainer :). It's soon. I'm really scared. So much more than last time. But I'm also really excited.

i travel far away, and dream my destiny

Rules only hold us down if we let them.
Be who you dream of being.

Don't let your society shape you... shape your society.

Dream your own destiny.
And let it fly away.

So... I have definitely not been living in the present lately. And it has been so freaking amazing. I have flown away into the past and changed a destiny that was written in stone.
You have to dictate you


.....i am loooooooooooking for a good song.........

spring break......

I guess I have kinda been putting off a post for... yeah.... a little while. But it seems that photo posts from spring break are now the thing to do, so I guess I will accomodate ;).

Spring break was really good. And the week after spring break really sucked, but I have been educated (by people much more experienced than myself) that life after spring break is SUPPOSED to suck. So I guess it's all good after all. Perfect balance. ;)


South Padre Island

We had lots of fun just chillin on Coca Cola beach with all of the crazy people, haha. We played some soccer which was crazy fun and Marin totally owned. :P. We got lots of free stuff (yay!), went to all of the funny stands, and got to see some very.... entertaing?... games, lol. We were very mean to all of the hot-bodied guys (whose brains were definitely NOT in their head btw). Chilled in the hot tub. Swam and boogie-boarded in the way too freezing water. Got proposed to LOL. (I'll marry you!! No questions asked!!) ...yeah, it was cool :)...

riding the bull at the Army stand was for sure great fun even though I somehow managed to get my hand stuck in the rope and sprain my thumb I was able to hold on for a little while.

Me and Marin did push ups at the army stand to get free chairs. Which we carried around all proud of ourselves until we saw a couple of little bitches walking around... and THEY had chairs too! Stupid b's probably didn't do any more than 2 pushups... maybe. Stupid Army.


Us all eating out on Saturday night after a long & fun day on the beach. Cute picture! I love you guys so much. :)


Retreat

(i know the picture sucks but I have to get some good ones from the church then I'll replace them :)) ....Wow. It was so refreshing. I loved it. I got the chance to meet 2 really neat Christian girls - Rachelle and Kelsey, get to know Brooke and Abby better, and of course LOVED hanging out with one of my best friends Julie. :) The Speaker was really good, the topic was "In His Image", it was revolutionary. I pray that GOd takes what I learned on that one shorts weekend and use it to revolutionize my life. My heart's greatest desire is to mature as a Christian. I love these women and it's kinda scary and I don't really feel qualified to talk with them and be friends with them but I want to so much. It's scary and exciting as I transition from a girl & a follower to try to transition to being a women and a Christian leader in my church and my community. My prayer is that as I mature in my Christian walk with God that He would use me to have an impact on my generation.



Hanging out with Matt



I love getting to hang out with Matt. He has become one of my really good friends. We play soccer on Thursday nights out at TX State which is SO much fun and even though I'm usually horrible the co-ed game is fun. And I also love getting to watch and cheer for the *coughs* Fairies *coughs*...lol. ......and yeah... things can sometimes get kinda complicated but I know that God has put him into my life for a reason, I just don't really know what yet. My prayer is that we become best friends, that we are able to share in each other's lives, hang out with each other's friends, have fun together, and most importantly, grow in God together. I'm nervous, I'm scared, I'm excited.

So... life after Spring Break is kinda waaay stressful. Work, tests, research papers, summaries, speeches, blah blah blah. Psychology is getting very cool and I really like it.... so much so that I MAY be interested in doing like a double major in Psychology and maybe education or athletics... we'll see. I'm excited though. Also been trying to get stupid ticket crap taken care of, community service, etc... almost done with everything. This week and next week will be tough. But I just gotta thank God not only for all the fun and easy Spring Break times but also for all the hard and trying times because those are the times that He uses to grow us into the people that He has made us to be. And I'm excited to become that person!

Broken and Beautiful

God loves me.
It's really all that I need... but He still chooses to give me so much more.

I am happy.
I am alive.
I am FREE.

I am broken... and in the eyes of God I AM BEAUTIFUL.

The United States Air Force Academy?

Yeah, it's kinda late. I was trying to clean my room up and then got in this organizing mood so I was looking through my room and came across this...

I never did get a chance to wear it... will I ever? But why does this have to be so hard? Is it destiny? I keep asking God for His plan to be lived out in my life. I ask Him to show me His plan for me. But maybe He already has. Maybe I am asking the wrong thing. Maybe I should be asking God to give me the strength and the courage to live out the plan for me that I have already been shown... I HAVE the badge. I just have to put it on...


Wow, so many memories. So many dreams. But do I have the strength to live them out?



Integrity first.
Service before self.
Excellence in all we do.
AIR FORCE

engl1302.101

Haha, I'm in English class right now and my scatter-brained crazy ex-cheerleader teacher is running around randomly. lol. crazy lady..... haha......

Soooooo... I meant to wake up really early and go workout. Didn't happen. I actually ended up sleeping in until like 6:50am so yeah... I skipped Psychology class took a nice hot shower and got here a little early for my next class. Studied math in Loftin, went to History class (slept just a bit :P), took my Math test, ate my breakfast/lunch of Doritos and sweet tea in Loftin, and now I'm in English class fixing to take a quiz (which is what we do every period)

*later on in class*
Just got done with a quiz and got another one back. I got 100. yay :)

So after a really depressing post yesterday I stayed up later than late talking to Marin. She is an awesome friend. I wish that everyone could be as lucky as I am and have a Marin in their life. :)

God thank you for the amazing people that you have put in my life. Thank you for my 2nd mom, Mrs. Nelson. Thank you for Marin, Owen, and Bobby... my adopted sister and brothers. Thank you for Abby, Jenn and Christine and how totally cool they are. Thank you for Julie. She's one of the best friends in the world that you can always talk to and is awesome to hang out with because her heart is so much on fire for you, she's my other sister. ;) Thank you for Caleb, Luke, and Aaron. Not very many people have guy friends that are just as close as brothers. Caleb, Luke, and Aaron are closer. Thank you for Deborah. I miss her so much!! Thank you for Hillside Fellowship and everyone at church. Thank you for surrounding me by people there that love you and by using some of my experiences there to teach me patience and that you're the only thing in my life that I need.

Sometimes God, we only thank You for the things that we enjoy and for the fun and pleasant experiences. God, thank You for all the experiences in my life that I have not understood. Thank you for using them to grow me, make me stronger, and draw me closer to You. Thank You for the broken relationships that You have used to teach me so vividly that You are the only One I can ever depend on. No matter what I do, You will never let me down, You will always be there for me, You will always love me, You will never break my heart... even when I break Yours so many times. Thank you for loving me, even though I don't deserve You.